From the author: It's a short chapter but it starts to introduce her fear and why having this baby will be so hard.
Chapter Two
Her feet punded on the hard cement. Every thump sent new adrenaline coursing through her veins. Don't look over your shoulder! She screamed at herself. Don't you dare!
* * *
For no apparent reason, that was the memory Anahita had chosen to remember at that specific moment. She was in her car, driving home, and ready to meet Matt. Would she tell him today? Or wait until tomorrow? Or not at all, and when they found her dead body washed up on some river bank, that’s when he would discover the baby. She quickly pushed the thought out of her head.
She sat in the car outside of the house until she could regain posture and hold her head high. Matt wouldn’t be home for another hour. She should get dinner going.
She hung her purse on the coat rack and sat down on the couch. She started to cry again. Angrily, she wiped the tears from her face and balled up. She couldn’t remember how long she sat there because the next thing she knew, Matt was shaking her awake.
“Anahita?”
“Hmm,” she grumbled.
“It’s time to get up, Doll,” he whispered in her ear.
“I never fell asleep,” she mumbled, sitting up. The sleep still clouded her eyes.
“You’ve been crying,” he said. Not a question, it was a fact.
She nodded. He sat down next to her and she buried her face in his chest as he rubbed her arm.
“You want to talk about it?” She shook her head.
“Ok. I’m here for you, Doll,” he said. “Don’t forget that ever.”
“I won’t,” she whispered.
* * *
That night in bed, Anahita lay awake, fighting with herself.
You should have told him.
No.
Why?
He would never understand.
He loves you.
He doesn’t know what they did to me.
They’re gone now. They won’t hurt you anymore.
They still hurt me.
Not physically.
Mentally. They hurt me mentally. I can still hear their voices, their hissing voices.
She closed her eyes shut.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hehe.
This was awesome. Seriously. There is nothing to critique you on, sadly. I wish that I could find something. I want to read more and more! So post more as soon as you write it. You're a great writer.
PM me when it's up.
-Jared
Cool, though it stiull didn't say anything definite.
I actually liked to you-I thing, skitso as it might be, it added an element.
P.S., can you please tell me how you did italics? I can't figure it out. Thanks.
Unless she's a skitzo, I'd switch to first person here.
You did better with this one with the wording and such, except for the skitso part. It was shorter though and only vaguely introduced the idea for why.
There are too many unanswered questions at this point.
~Why is it so terrifying that she's pregnant?
~What is the scary thing that happened in her past?
~Who's Matt?
We do know that Matt's her husband, but he's still a bit of a mystery to us. What's he like? Is he funny? Is he charming? Or is he a complete jerk?
The only question you can really build on is the scary thing from her youth, thats something that can be slowly built up to, and while the pregency question is tied in with that its still one of those annoying readers questions that if you hold onto much longer the reader would lose interest.
I wouldn't hold onto that question for much longer, and one of my next priorities would be explaining Matt. This is the type of story where you can put a random flashback to a random point in their past that describes Matt a little bit and then go straight back into the current time and do the story.
All the best,
Alice
Your friendly neighborhood vampire.